A year has passed since my dad died.
A lot has happened in this time, some of it terrible, some of it great.
It really has been a mixed bag of emotions and experiences. This is something that we will all have to face at sometime, the death of a loved one. There is no way to convey what happens, I’m sure it is different for everyone. It’s just – not that nice, but you’ll get through it eventually.
Around this time last year I figuratively woke up. I realised that the world I had created for myself, a world of self created pressure, was no longer somewhere I wanted to inhabit. I needed to step away from it it. So I did. I left. Dropped everything and moved on.
I took a year to move away from my professional career path to immerse myself in the bike industry. I bike shop monkey with a PhD – surprisingly common as I’ve found out. This has given me time to think about what I want to become. I’ve toyed in other professional areas and found I’m not a one trick pony, this has been a revaluation of what I can do.
I took a year to ride, rather than train, on my bike. To look around at my surroundings rather than at my power meter. This has brought me to new places and given me time to reflect. Not having something digital to distract you for a ride opens your brain up to itself and forces to you become introspective. Something I’ve needed.
I’ve eaten, drank and done what I want – when I want. No more worrying about it, just fucking do it. Life is too short to care about what society thinks you should be doing. I’m not condoning renouncing my part as a citizen, but rather to just step back and turn on your bullshit filter and do what you know is right.
Cutting out TV from my life was a major factor. My brain is no longer in a slop of media hatred and consumer greed. I build up my own picture of the world as I see fit. I chose what I want to consume rather than what they want me to consume.
I’ve said no more often.
Overall the past year has been good to me. I’ve had many days of sadness interspaced with rays of humility and happiness from those around me. I’ve spent more time listening to others than I’ve ever done, it’s all helped.
Today is my day. 365 days have passed and I’ll mark it with a bike ride. I’ll look up. I’ll see something new. I’ll smile. I’ll tell someone else I care about that they should do what they think they want to do. Mostly, I’ll enjoy the next 364 days until I get to do this again.